Cal: Hello, everybody. Cal Banyan here, Cal Banyan’s “Hypnosis, Etc.” If you’re watching this video anywhere except CalBanyan.com, you want to go there right now, because right below this video is additional text, graphics, links that just make this podcast, this video, more valuable to you.
And I am so happy to welcome back my co-host once again, Brenda Titus. She is the hostess with the ma-hostess, I’ll tell you what right now. She is… she’s like a hypno one percenter. Not “like” a hypno one percenter. She is a hypno one percenter, which means among the best of the best in the world. She has a psychological… I mean, a master’s degree, a bachelor’s degree, and you know what, she was doing talk therapy before I brought her over to the hypnosis side and got her hooked on things like five path, seven path, and our topic today, the secret language of feelings. How are you doing, Brenda?
Brenda: I’m doing great, Cal. Very happy to be here and to share about the secret language of feelings, because I know that learning actually the secret language of feelings as I learned five path and seven path hypnotherapy, just, it changed my life. It really helped me in my personal life, but also professionally. And I’ve been able to help so many people by using this language. So I’m really pleased to be here and be talking about this topic today.
But before we do that, I’ll share a little bit about Cal. Cal is the head of the Banyan Hypnosis Center here in Dustin, California. He is an instructor, he’s a hypnotherapist, he teaches all kinds of people how to do his system of five path hypnotherapy, as well as seven path self-hypnosis. And he also teaches, of course, in the midst of all of that, incorporates the secret language of feelings into the work that we do and what he teaches here when he does his certification courses. And I’m so thrilled to be here, and to bring you some more information today.
So last week, we talked a little bit about just kind of some background on the secret language of feelings, which is both a book that I give, actually, to most of my clients. I buy them in bulk and then I just give them out like candy to my clients. And I believe many other five path hypnotherapists do that as well. I highly recommend it, because it really gets our clients starting to have a language about feelings.
So we talked a little bit about that. Just kind of some background last week. So if you missed that episode, go back and watch it, because we are going to move forward today talking about the wisdom of feelings, and what feelings are for.
Cal: Beautiful. Is that my cue?
Cal: You should say, “Back to you, Cal.”
Brenda: Back to you, Cal. It was like, I have to take a breath.
Cal: Back to you, Cal, in the other office, the other end of the center here.
Brenda: Well, actually what I was going to say with the “back to you, Cal”…
Brenda: …was truthfully, I actually sit down many of my clients right as they come in on their session one, and I will have them actually watch a 20-minute video about the secret language of feelings before I ever sit down with them. And I do this with specific types of clients. But it really helps them. And it’s so funny to see them already getting those great “aha” moments before we’ve ever even sat down in the hypnosis chair, because they’ve already been thinking about this concept of what are feelings for. We’re not taught about our feelings. And once they hear, in this video and then me reiterate it, that all the feelings are good, there is wisdom in the feelings that we’re having, it already starts them really understanding why they do the things that they do and what they are ready to change.
So, Cal, I wanted to get us started, then, with we know that there are wisdoms to be gained from these feelings, so why don’t you tell us a little bit about what are feelings for, Cal?
Cal: All right. A little bit of newsflash before we get into this riveting topic. Hey, Brenda, did you get a chance to look up that news article I talked to you about? The ultra long distance Scotsman?
Brenda: I didn’t get a chance to take a look at that yet.
Cal: Oh, okay. I didn’t think you would, because I told you just before we started the video recording.
Cal: Hey, guess what. Another cool news article just came up. Herald newspaper of Scotland. And I love Scotland. I just… I want to go there. I want to go do a course in Scotland. And on the days off, I’m going to go check out the Scotch distilleries. Because, I mean, you know, I don’t mind having a Scotch and cigar once in a while.
Anyway, back to the news. So this Herald newspaper in Scotland reports that there’s this guy, and he’s running all these ultra marathons. And I mean ultra distance running. Not 26 miles, not 27 miles, but, like, 300, 400, 500 miles over the course of three, four days. He just… I believe the article said he has done a 500 mile run in eight days.
And what’s this got to do with hypnosis? He reports in the newspaper article that most of the time while he’s running, he’s in self-hypnosis, and he uses self- hypnosis to empower him to do these almost inhuman, superhuman feats of running. He has 77 long-distance running records. Just amazing.
Okay, what do you think of that?
Brenda: I think… I definitely get that, you know, hypnosis, and then ultimately self-hypnosis, in this case, can help you envision and create the world that you want to create. And especially for him to just stay in that zone, and keep plugging away, and do all those miles. So good for him. Thanks for sharing that.
Cal: Yeah. I don’t know how his knees can stand up to it. He must be a little guy or something.
Brenda: Oh, yeah.
Cal: So now we continue. What was I supposed to talk about? The secret language of feelings?
Brenda: What are feelings for?
Cal: Okay. Like I say in the book, like I say on the website, TSLOF.com, TheSecretLanguageOfFeelings.com. Emotions, feelings are there kind of like the light and gauges on the dashboard of a car. The car has needs. It needs oil. It needs fuel. It needs water. It needs to stay within a certain temperature range, to keep working functionally. So we have gauges on the car. When we get low on fuel, it goes into the red. When it gets too hot, it goes into the red zone. And it lets you know how well you’re fulfilling the needs of the vehicle so that it can keep operating and serving you.
Well, your emotions are there to let you know how well you’re fulfilling your needs, your wants, your desires. Needs like for security, companionship, fulfillment, fairness, and so on. And when you’re not fulfilling those needs, then the emotion comes up, and it’s an uncomfortable feeling. Anger, sadness, loneliness. These are emotions that don’t feel good. And they’re there to motivate you to do the sometimes difficult things you need to do so that you can fulfill your needs, wants, and desires, so that you can live a satisfying, safe, secure life.
How’s that for starters?
Brenda: Excellent. And you know, I’ve got to tell you, I have a client, and it was a nail-biting client. And he watched the video. And he literally… he stopped biting his nails after… I don’t even think after I did my session, but just hearing that he was biting his nails because of a feeling, and thinking about that lights and gauges on the dashboard of a car, it just… his mind just expanded, and he realized, oh my gosh. It was incredible. That’s probably one of my favorite stories about how just even the secret language of feelings video before even beginning your work with a client, getting them engaged can shift your session and shift your client’s thinking right away.
So Cal, I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes about a couple of different feelings, and talk about the wisdom of a few feelings, and what those particular feelings are for.
Cal: Okay. Before… since we… I want to say something about the video. When I made that video, I condensed down into a very short period of time the most important points in the book “The Secret Language of Feelings,” because I wanted them to understand why we were going to do emotionally-based work like age regression, and I wanted us to have a common language so that we could talk about it. I wanted them to be ready to make emotionally-based insights that would change how they feel.
Because the truth is, we don’t think so much of what we think we should do as we do what we feel like doing, you see? And when we… and these painful emotions can be a very powerful drive. And so in that… what I’m going to do is I’m going to put a link down below here on CalBanyan.com to where you can learn more about the video.
Okay. Now you wanted to know about the wisdom of some of the emotions. Is that right?
Brenda: Yes. Yes. So maybe we should start with fear. Because, as we said, fear is a big emotion, feeling that we deal with in age regression. So why don’t we tackle… what is the wisdom of fear, Cal?
Cal: Okay, so let me talk about fear. Fear has many names. We call it anxiety. We call it fear. One of the… anxiety is really the physical manifestation in the body. Fear is the emotion, and anxiety is the feeling. But we use these things interchangeably. Now, fear… and by the way, fear is the emotion that comes up in age regression more than any other emotion. Sure, sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt can come up, but over and over again, I would say 80 to 90% of age regression sessions are going to have some kind of fear involved in it.
Now, fear comes from the perception that something bad’s going to happen. You know, something bad’s going to happen. Something bad’s going to happen. And that’s, you know, whether that’s true or not, when you start… the instant you start thinking, “Uh-oh, something bad is going to happen,” you will begin to feel these feelings of… you might call it stress, you might call it anxiety, fear, panic, whatever. So that’s the wisdom. The wisdom, what it’s trying to tell you to do, is do whatever you need to do to either avoid or prepare for this bad thing that’s going to happen.
Now, in this process of the secret language of feelings, we not only try to discover what we’re feeling and what it’s telling us to do, but we do a process called 123, ABC. Now, one… so this is the checklist of how you respond to feelings in a satisfying way, and to get out of that feel bad/distract cycle. Feel bad, eat too much. Feel bad, drink too much. Feel bad, you know, something too much.
And that is instead of doing the distracting behavior, you’re going to ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” So number one is name the feeling.
Number two is, “What could be causing me to feel this way?”
And number three is satisfying response. How can I respond to it in a satisfying way?
In the last video, I said there’s nothing you could eat, nothing you could drink, nothing you could swallow, nothing you could suck up your nose, inject into your veins that could possibly have an affect on what’s causing you to feel bad. If you’re sad, if you’re lonely, if you’re angry, if you’re fearful, there’s no distractor that could ever have any effect on what’s causing you to feel that way. You need to have a program, a process, cognitive process, things that you can do, behavioral things that you can do to attend to the cause of the feeling.
So one, name the feeling. Two, determine the cause of the feeling. Number three, do a satisfying response.
A. A is always “reality check.” Sometimes our emotions are not based in reality. We’re thinking something just out of habit, or we’re thinking something as a misperception. And as we investigate what we’re thinking, and we can… if we can say, “You know what? That’s really not true.” For example, if you’re feeling anxious, worried, fearful — all the same thing — and that’s caused by I’m thinking something bad is going to happen, that’s the general statement. It could be I think that I’m going to get in trouble, or I think that I am inadequate in some way, so I’m going to get fired. Whatever it is.
When we do the reality check and say, “How based in reality is this?” If we go, “I’m just being a worrywart. You know, there’s no way they’re going to fire me,” or whatever it is. When we shift the perception, you instantly relieve the fear. They’re mutually exclusive. You cannot be both in a state of security and fearfulness at the same time.
Now, so the first thing we do is reality check. Is my perception that’s causing this emotion based on reality? If it is, then that emotion, that fear, is good. It’s there to motivate you to do the sometimes difficult things you need to do to prepare or avoid this bad thing. Prepare for or avoid this bad thing. But if you do that reality check, and you go, “Wait a minute. There’s nothing to be afraid of here. It’s perfectly fine.” Then that fear immediately goes away.
Or sometimes it’s in between the two. You look at it a second time, you go, “You know what? I was kind of making a mountain out of a molehill. There is an issue here, but it’s not as bad as I thought. The worst that could happen is down here, not up here.” Okay. And so to whatever degree you can adjust your perception, it adjusts the amount of emotion. You lower your perception of danger, and then you lower your experience of fear.
Brenda: Perfect, Cal. And I think that is a great way that you were able to explain a variety of elements of the secret language of feelings. That was actually why I picked fear, because you’ve got the 123 part, you’ve got that checking the reality. And especially just because, you know, with fear, we’ve talked a lot about age regression over quite a few episodes that I’ve been here on, and in the end, we really want to tackle this fear. And so I’m glad that we were able to really look at the wisdom of fear and how you can work with it. And that hopefully will give everybody some inspiration.
That was just one feeling. I believe the book tackles 10, and we might hit a couple over the next couple of weeks as well, to use as examples. But I hope that that really inspires you to look at even just one feeling and see it differently, as we talk about the wisdom of feelings and what are feelings for, so that you can work with those in your hypnosis practice.
So should we wrap it up, Cal?
Cal: I’m taking notes. I’m wrapping up. Let’s do it.
Brenda: Excellent. All right. Well, thank you all for being here today. Now that we’ve talked about the background on the secret language of feelings, we’ve talked about the wisdom of feelings in general, but then also really specifically tackling some work that you can use specifically with fear. I look forward to seeing you all back here in the next couple of weeks to talk about how we can work with the secret language of feelings with “too much” behaviors, and also some special tips and tricks that Cal and I have talked about over the last year or so to really uncover those feelings when people aren’t quite giving us what we think we need to hear or want to hear to move them forward in the process.
So thank you all for joining us today. We look forward to having you back next week.
Cal: Yay! All right, everybody. I want to send a thank you out there to all of our Facebook friends and fans. So cool that you’re there putting comments on our different posts. We always put an announcement that we have a new video out, but then we also make announcements before you will see it on the videos. For example, we already got a discussion going on about the Scotsman. We already have a discussion going on about the hypnosis today news story. So get in on that, if you’re not already there. Go to Facebook.com/HypnosisEtc.
And that’s it for now. See you at Solid Gold Weekend. Cal Banyan, over and out.
Copyright 2014 Calvin D. Banyan . All rights reserved.