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Hypnosis Training Video #369: Secret Language of Feelings – Part Three, the Story Behind the Book (Transcription)

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Cal: Hello, everybody, Cal Banyan here on Cal Banyan’s “Hypnosis, Etc.” You know what we do here? We talk about hypnosis, etc. And today, we’re moving more into the “Etc.” part. It has everything to do with hypnosis, but it is something that’s going to supercharge your sessions. This is part Three of a special series of podcasts where we talk about TSLoF.

Hey, let me introduce you to Brenda. And if you’re watching this video anywhere except, go to right now, because right below this video, there’s additional text, additional links, additional graphics, that just make these podcasts much more valuable. In fact, we also have a link for an audio version only, as well as a transcription, for those of you who’d just rather read.

All right. Brenda Titus. I tell you what, I’m so impressed with this lady. She is a hypno one percenter, which means among the best of the best in the world. She doesn’t just talk the talk. She walks the walk. How do I know? Because she works here at our center, she sees clients every week. She is making a change in people. And how do I know that? Because she gets referrals. People are sending their mother, father, sister, brother, cousin to see her. And that’s one of the best testimonials you could ever have.

She started off in the world of academia, getting a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree. And then she got into the world of talk therapy, helping women who had experienced usually sexual traumas and that kind of thing. And now we’ve moved her over to the world of hypnosis, where she’s giving, giving, giving. How are you doing, Brenda?

Brenda: I’m doing great, Cal. I’m happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. I’m pleased to be here with Cal at the Banyan Hypnosis Center. Always making a difference in people’s lives, whether it’s supporting Cal in his…when he’s instructing, and supporting his students, or obviously when I’m here doing my sessions, working with people, doing 5-PATH® hypnotherapy, doing 7th Path™. I’m just so thankful to Cal for bringing these systems, and for supporting me in my work so that I can help so many people. And I’m just very happy to be here today.

Cal: Isn’t it fulfilling?

Brenda: Yes, it is. It is. And you know what’s really neat, as we kind of segue into talking about the secret language of feelings, is that when I first learned about the secret language of feelings, quite frankly, my brain pretty much exploded. My life was in a little bit of a tailspin. A mini-tailspin, as I was trying to figure out what I was going to do next with my life. I listened to the audio of “The Secret Language of Feelings” in preparation for coming here for hypnosis training. And I just can’t even begin to tell you guys how impactful it was. And I always encourage other friends or family to either read the book or to listen to these audios.

And then, like I said before, then reading the book during training, it just literally started making everything fall into place for me. And then I’ve just really been able to work with other people to really make just huge changes in people’s lives, and assist them in making that process by reconnecting them to this concept of the secret language of feelings. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

Cal, do you have any news or anything you’d like to share before we hit the topic?

Cal: No. I just want to clarify, when you say “listen to the audio,” is that the audio program that they can get for free?

Brenda: Yes!

Cal: On

Brenda: That is the one, yes.

Cal: Okay. Hey, if you guys want to type in “,” you can, or you can just use a shortcut, TSLOF. That’s Tango, Sierra, Lima, Oscar,

All right, let’s roll. Let’s get her done.

Brenda: You just wanted to say Foxtrot today, right?

Cal: Yeah. I live to say the word “Foxtrot.”

Brenda: It makes me laugh, so…

So as we’ve been sharing this series, you know, one of the things that I wanted to share is kind of an introduction. Part of the reason I got inspired, actually, to really revisit the secret language of feelings… it’s been a while since it’s been covered on the podcast, and I know that Cal has an incredible audio series that is available for download, and obviously the book and everything. So, like I said, I feel very strongly about working with the secret language of feelings.

But also, actually, I wanted to share real quick Cal, that a movie had come out recently that I feel really gave an opportunity for families to talk with their children about feelings. And basically, there was a Disney movie that came out over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, and it’s called “Frozen.” And in this movie, one of the sisters had special powers. She was able to create snow and ice, and it was very beautiful. But it became something that was scary, and was dangerous. And so it was very much like a feeling that was something that she had to suppress. So it was something that everybody said, “Oh, no, you have to…” You know, “Don’t express this. Don’t let anybody see. Don’t let anybody know.”

And so it was very sad for her. She lived a very lonely life. And finally one day, an incident happened, and she let all of her feelings out… they, basically what happens is that when we push down our feelings, they don’t want to stay down forever, because they’re there for a reason. And very much the same as with this young lady, she expressed them. And everybody knew. And it was very scary and upsetting for her. And she turned her entire kingdom into a constant state of winter.

And the reason I wanted to talk about this is because in the end, once she actually fully expressed her feelings — in this case, her power of creating snow and ice — she fully claimed her own power, and actually, she felt so much better. So I think that’s such a great lesson for families, and just starting to actually watch my sister-in-law with my niece over the holidays, where one of the girls was getting upset. And so it immediately gave her some language about talking about feelings. And then it felt like now, actually talking about the secret language of feelings gives families an additional avenue to talk about these feelings, and a healthy expression of feelings, instead of pushing them down, making them go away.

Because, quite frankly, what happens when you push down our feelings, we feel bad, we distract, and we push down, or we reach for food, we reach for alcohol, we reach for cigarettes, we reach for shopping. And so today, we want to talk a little bit about how to utilize the secret language of feelings, especially with people who are doing those “too much” behaviors.

So what do you think about that, Cal?

Cal: Well, okay. Boy, got a lot of… I took some notes of things I want to talk about. First of all, one of the coolest things I can think of… and someday I’m going to make this happen. I’m going to find just the right people to team up with to do a series. I mean, you know, you’ve heard of “Chicken Soup for the Soul.” What we need to do is have the secret language of feelings for kids. The secret language of feelings for teens. The secret language of feelings and marriage.

Brenda: Yes.

Cal: The secret language of feelings and divorce. The secret language of feelings and management. The secret language of feelings and healing. The secret language of feelings and becoming a senior citizen. I don’t know what the right words are. And it’s right around the corner for me. I should probably figure that out.

Anyway, you know, that kind of series would be so colossal. It’d be one of the best ways to really get this out and change the consciousness of the world. Except maybe if a boy band wrote a song about the secret language of feelings, and then it would be out, and everybody would know about it.

Okay, so this pushing the feelings down. In the last episode, I talked a lot about 123, ABC. And one of the things that’s… so you’re in a situation, and you’re feeling bad. Maybe you’re angry or sad, or you’re lonely, whatever. And you start thinking, “I wonder what’s in the refrigerator.” Or you’re thinking, “Maybe I should go work out. That makes me feel better.” Or, “Maybe I should do some work.” Or, “Maybe I should clean house.” You know?

I tell you, when I moved to Minnesota… from California, I moved to Minnesota, and these… there’s a lot of Norwegians up there, and I was hanging out in a town that had a lot of Norwegians, and I found out something. You know, they’re kind of an old-style Lutheran culture up there. And you’re not allowed to drink, and you’re not allowed to eat too much, and you’re not allowed to play cards or dance, that kind of society. They’ve loosened up a little bit, but the older folks still have that mentality. And these ladies, when they get upset, you know what they do? They clean. I mean, they would scrub the ceiling, scrub the floor. So, I mean, it’s not always eating too much or drinking too much. It’s any kind of “too much” behavior.

So, and you respond to them with 123, ABC. Name the feeling, name the cause of the feeling, do a satisfying response, reality check, and then respond to the feeling in a satisfying way.

Now, if you… but sometimes… let’s say it was fear. Let’s say you’re feeling fear, and you say, okay, feeling fear. The cause of the fear is I’m thinking something bad’s going to happen, but I can’t think of what it would be. Let me do a satisfying response. A reality check, and you look around and you go, you know, consciously, rationally, I understand that I am safe and secure. But I still have this fear inside of me.

Ah. This is where not just knowing the secret language of feelings, but having a hypnotherapist, or hypnosis professional, or consulting hypnotist, whatever you want to call yourself, who really understands how this applies to hypnotherapy, okay? Because when we understand this, then we can go in and do processes like 5-PATH®, where we bring up the feeling, we deal with the emotions in hypnosis, and create a satisfying response in the hypnotic state about something that happened in the past.

You see, this is the problem. People…for example, they have an irrational fear. They have a fear, or a floating anxiety, or an insecurity in situations. And they look… rationally, they’re sitting in the moment, and they go, “You know, I really know I have nothing to be afraid of here, but I still feel the fear.” What’s happening is there’s something in that situation that they’re in now that is similar to the situation they were in in the past, and they felt that way. And the similarity, either of the person they’re dealing with or the situation, in some way is the same as in the past, and it causes an emotional resonance.

And through that resonance… and I talk more about the resonance factor in, and in the book. What happens is when things are similar, they can resonate energetically. And the feelings from the past can cascade into the present, and you start having feelings that are not based in your present reality. And this is a problem.

And so when the hypnotherapist understands this, they can use that emotional resonance to do important techniques like age regression. It dawned on me, as I was doing age regression over and over and over again, and as I was working with the secret language of feelings, that age regression is actually a reality check. But it’s not a reality check like I explained to you earlier in this video about what’s going on now. It is a reality check about the past.

Because when we have unresolved — another word for that is unsatisfied emotions from the past, then they’re still there, captured inside of us. And when we get in situations now that made us, that are similar to the situation in the past that created that feeling, the feeling from the past resonates in the moment, and we have an irrational fear, or an irrational sadness, or irrational loneliness. You know, some people, they can be in a crowd of friends and still feel lonely. Explain that emotional resonance. They have a loneliness from the past. It’s been unresolved.

When we go back and we do things like age regression, we take them into the past. The informed child technique, done in its most powerful way, is really a reality check. We’re going to use the grown-up aspect of the client and the child aspect of the client, along with the skilled and experienced hypnotist, to work together to do a reality check about that past event.

For example, a child may be in a situation… very innocuous situation. Mother goes to work for the first time. Child panics. She doesn’t come back in a few minutes. She’s gone for an hour. The child, in the child’s mind, thinks, “Oh, no, mommy’s never coming back. Who’s going to take care of me? Who’s going to feed me? Who’s going to give me the bottle?” Or whatever. “And if I don’t get fed, I could die. Or something really terrible could happen. I could fall down. I could get hurt. Someone could steal me.” And all these thoughts come, and they’re alive in the child.

In age regression, we go back, take the adult, and have them speak to that child, and tell them, “Hey, mom’s coming back.” If in fact that’s the case, or that, “You get to grow up. Nothing really bad is going to happen here.” And then when we can do those kinds of things, this is reality check. You’re not in as extremely difficult situation as you think. And when we’ve got that information, the child goes, “Ah.” And now that emotion is transformed. And now there’s nothing to resonate with.

So understanding the secret language of feelings supercharges all of the hypnotic insight work that you do. Also, it transforms the direct suggestion work that you do. If your clients are in for “too much” behaviors — eating too much, drinking too much, and so on — in the past, you might have been giving suggestions like, “You are now a non-smoker. You’re going to be a non-smoker for the rest of your life. You are now a non-smoker. You’re going to be a non-smoker for the rest of your life. You don’t want cigarettes. You don’t do cigarettes. No matter what situations, you say ‘no’ to cigarettes.”

Okay, that can lead the person into a state of deprivation, because the cigarettes were serving a purpose. They were helping them to manage their emotions. When we rewrite our scripts, our suggestions, and say, “Now when you get into a situation where you’re thinking you must have a cigarette, you ask yourself, ‘What am I really feeling? You know, am I anxious? Am I lonely? Am I sad?’ And then you respond to those feelings in a satisfying way. Because there’s nothing in a cigarette that can go to the cause of why you’re feeling angry, or sad, or bored, or frustrated.”

And so then we can take our clients from a state of deprivation into a state of satisfaction. And only those folks who really understand the secret language of feelings have the power to do that. Now, when we transform our clients with insight techniques and this focusing on satisfying the feelings in our hypnotic suggestions, we can get long-lasting, even permanent change.

How’s that, Brenda?

Brenda: Excellent, Cal. And I just think it’s so important, you know, to really reiterate with people how just valuable this is. So thank you so much for sharing that technique and really digging deeper into this concept of the secret language of feelings, and how we can work with our clients.

And I know Cal has… we’ve talked about this a little bit, but I just want to, you know, remind you guys how helpful it is to just have your clients really stop and realize that there isn’t any food, any alcohol, any cigarette, any shopping that’s going to satisfy that feeling. It’s not going to bring back the thing or the person that they lost. It’s not going to make something fair. It’s not going to make something that they think is bad is going to happen not happen. And so many times, just like we’ve said, just that language around introducing these contents, helping them understand that there is no food that’s going to bring this person back. No food is going to fix these feelings. No alcohol is going to fix… it just does an amazing shift for them. Especially like I said, when we’re working with these “too much” behaviors.

So I think we’re ready to wrap it up. So we’ve gotten, what? Three great episodes about the secret language of feelings. And next episode, we are going to talk about what Cal and I have talked about as being uncovering questions, where maybe sometimes you don’t know what the feeling is, or you need to dig deeper on what they’re thinking and what they’re feeling. And so we’ve got a couple of great questions to really dig deeper. And so we look forward to having you next week so that we can continue this conversation about the secret language of feelings.

I am Brenda Titus at Brenda at And I look forward to being back next week to continue this conversation.

Cal: Wow. Thank you so much. You talked me into doing a really good topic. And I can feel it. I can feel this video going out into the blogosphere and into the world of the internet, right into people’s lives. And there are people I know that are going to watch this video, or listen to the audio version, or read the transcript, and it’s going to change their lives just knowing this stuff.
So thank you, Brenda. Gratitude for talking me into doing this topic. I was a little bit reluctant. All right. Cal Banyan, signing off.


Copyright 2014 Calvin D. Banyan . All rights reserved.

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