Cal Banyan: Hello everybody, Cal Banyan here. Oh man, I'm so excited to be sharing this stuff with you and to have Erika Flint back. This is number four in four episodes with her. The first two episodes were about insight therapy, and these last two episodes are about how to mend a broken heart. Yes, James Taylor is playing in the background, how to mend a broken heart. That's what we do. We're the handyman and woman, the handy hypnotist who gets in there and fixes broken hearts. That's what this episode will be about. We're going to be wrapping that up. Let me tell you about Erika. Erika's not your run of the mill hypnotist. I'm so glad to have her working with me on these, because this is her first year in the profession. She's just grabbed the hypnotic bull by the horns. She's in there, 100%. She's building her clientele, she's going to go full time, and she's speaking at the convention already. I mean what a gal, from software engineer to brain engineer, from problem solver with computers to problem solver with the human mind.
She originally got certified in Washington. She lives in Bellingham, Washington. Then she found the 5-PATH 2.0 DVD set, studied it, took the exam, became a 5-PATHer, just recently went through the Week of Power, and now she's in the process of becoming a Banyan hypnosis trainer. How are you doing, Erika?
Erika Flint: Hi Cal. Thank you very much. While you were saying that, I was thinking, "You know, I just love hypnosis. I love this job. There are so many different directions you can take it in, and I'm really happy that doing podcasts with you is one of those things." So, yeah, I'm really happy to be here. I'm glad that you called me a "brain engineer." I don't know if that's actually true, but I kind of like that term.
Now, let me tell everybody about you, Cal. Cal is the hypnosis celebrity because of his fame in the profession and not because of all of the hundreds of hypnosis training videos he's done, just like this one. He's an authority because he's written books. He's written one of my favorite books, 'The Secret Language of Feelings' and other books on hypnosis and hypnotism as well. He's appeared on television and radio, promoting hypnosis and 'The Secret Language of Feelings.' He's the authority on hypnosis that works; the hypnosis that you're actually going to use in your office with your clients, and they're going to get results from it. He's the trainer of some of the very best in our profession, and he's still teaching. I took a class from him a few weeks ago, it was amazing, the Week of Power. He is speaking, writing, seeing private clients, and making public appearances. He has probably had more of an impact on my professional career than anybody else. So, thank you for that, Cal.
Today, we are talking about heartbreak. We are on episode two of heartbreak. In today's episode, what we're going to talk about is what if your client has a real requirement to continue to see their ex?
In my experience, this has happened on a couple occasions because; guess what, they have kids together. There's this real need to continue to see this person over and over again. It brings up a very common question: "Can you make it so that I just don't love them anymore?" Have you ever gotten that question, Cal?
Cal Banyan: No, a question I get all the time is, "Can you make me forget all about that person? Can you just erase that experience from my life?" I tell them, "No, we're going to do something much better than that. We're going to turn all that life experience into wisdom." I don't remember where I heard it, but it goes something like this: "That experience will become like words in a history book." In other words, knowledge and wisdom, but it doesn't emotionally impact you anymore.
If someone was to ask me what you asked about, I would be thinking, "Loving someone is never a bad thing." We might move them from one kind of love to another kind of love. It's not the love that's the problem. Loving people is a good thing, but, it's how that person otherwise emotionally affects us. We would really work on making that shift from them interacting with you in a way that hurts you.
I would say, "How is this person hurting you?" They'd say, "They make me feel powerless. They do this or that." When we shift them into a state of optimism and hopefulness and being empowered, then the anger or fear that person has starts to be changed into some other things. They might feel sorry for that person. They might feel pity for that person. If we really, really do a good job, they may even have compassion for that person. Their negativity is just not going to affect them in the way that it did before. How does that sound, Erika?
Erika Flint: That's right, Cal. It's the emotion inside, right? Love is always a good thing, but in these cases, my clients are going to see their exes, and for a few days after that they're just a wreck. They get pulled back into the whole thing over and over again. If you look relationship professionals, I did some research on this. They recommend that you cut your ties with your ex if you can, but we know that that's not always possible. If you do have to see your ex on a regular basis, there are some recommendations.
You really want to check in with your client and determine if they do in fact need to keep seeing this person. In a lot of cases, it's really impractical for them to drop the kids off at grandma's house and not see their ex. In a lot of cases, it's really not practical to avoid seeing this person over again. But if it's not possible, you want to be able to ask your client, "How do you want to feel when you see that person again?" Then you can use that throughout the process to help you.
One thing that I see that comes up is that clients idealize their exes. They either idealize them or it's the opposite, right? They're either remembering all the terrible things or they're remembering all of the great things and not remembering any of the terrible things. We want to use hypnosis to help them get a realistic view of their ex. We can do that using the insight techniques, right Cal?
Cal Banyan: Right. I've said it before, in the last episode, what's happening is past events that may have nothing to do with this relationship are resonating. They're putting those old past fears, angers, sadnesses, insecurities, whatever it is, and projecting them onto this individual or onto themselves. Instead of just being angry, they're angry too much, or being fearful or sad too much. Of course, things can happen in your life that causes you to feel angry or sad and so on, but if they're not resonating with the past then they just tend to pass with time.
One of the things I wanted to say is that it's important to talk to your clients about when we're successful, when you've really gotten everything you need from these sessions, what does that look like? What do your ideal interactions look like in the future with your spouse or ex-boyfriend of ex-girlfriend or whoever it was? That really gives us an idea of what we're going to be suggesting to them.
Another thing that probably 5-PATHers do more than anyone else is age progression work. We eliminate the problems from the past, we identify the insights that are transformative, we do the segue which ties the suggestions to the insights. What do we suggest? We suggest the outcome that they've told us their ideal was. Then we can actually age progress them, take them into their probable future in two or three events where they can experience interacting that way with the former lover. How does that sound, Erika?
Erika Flint: That's so important, Cal. You need to help the client imagine, "What is it going to be like when I see them next Tuesday?" Have them go through that experience doing it exactly the way they want to be doing it, so that when it happens, they have that future expectation of success in their mind already. They're much more likely to just go through the event just as they had already imagined it so many times before. It's important to do this a couple of times and to get your client feeling like they can do this.
Like I was saying in the previous episodes, sometimes the client hasn't even stopped for a moment to actually think about anything. You get them in hypnosis and you get them to think about, "What do you want it to be like?" They may never have even thought about that. They might just be like, "I was just so caught up in trying to fix all of these things and organize and plan my life all over again. I didn't even think about what I wanted my relationship with my ex to be like in the future." I think it's really important that future progression is one of the key aspects that we have to help them with if they're going to be seeing their ex on a regular basis.
Cal Banyan: That's one of the things that people recognize. They've actually been rehearsing negative results in their minds. "When I see my ex again, this is probably going to happen. I don't want this to happen." They're kind of projecting themselves in the future and rehearsing all the negative stuff. If we can identify how they want to be, then they can start rehearsing the positive outcomes. When you do that, everything changes. All of the sudden, the other individual begins to behave differently. I've seen that many a client is just astonished that now this other person is behaving differently now because the client now has different expectations.
Erika Flint: That's right. You put out an energy. You walk in a room with a chip on your shoulder and people are going to pick up on that. That's just an example. If you walk in a room having already experienced remaining calm and in control, the other people pick up on that too, and they'll stay calm and in control, too. You're right. They pick up on that energy. You change and other things can change around you as well.
One other thing that I wanted to bring up is that this isn't just for an ex, right? We often have to deal with people every day whom we can consider difficult people or someone who has hurt us. You don't have to use this future progression technique, or just thinking about, "How do I want it to be?" with clients who are suffering heartbreak. This could be done with any client who has had a bad experience with another person in their life and they have some real need to see this person every day. It could be their boss, it could be any other experience in their life that was hurtful or painful for them and they have that real need to see them over and over. Not just heartbreak.
Cal Banyan: As you're talking about this, one thing that keeps coming to mind is that on the one hand, your clients don't believe things could ever change, but on the other hand, there's a sliver of hope that gets them in your office. Maybe someone just pushed them through the door. As you are interviewing this person in the pre-hypnosis interview, you're getting a history of the problem. You've got to find a way inside of yourself to believe in them.
Sometimes, we have to firmly believe in that client before they can believe in themselves. Honestly, if you can't believe in that client to make the change and have the desired outcome, you shouldn't be working with them. Why in the world would you take their money if you don't think you could bring about a positive change for them? Believe in them and powerfully feel that belief and they'll catch it. It's almost contagious.
Just by watching and listening to Erika, you can see how she gets passionate about this. Let your passion for helping your clients and your belief in them seep into the conversation and they'll catch it. Then you can go with it.
Erika Flint: That's so true Cal. I'm kind of getting a little excited just hearing you talk about that. If your client is telling you something, and you can help them find that glimmer of hope because you have the hope. You've done this before. You're experienced; you've done this so many times. You know exactly what to do. You can help give that to your client so that they have something to hold onto.
All they need is that little bit of hope to get them through and you put them in that chair that first session and they feel great. And now that glimmer of hope is widening into a nice ray of sunshine in their life and they're excited and they're starting to believe. You can just take it from there. I have to say, doing that with a client is so amazing. I look forward to going to work every single day to help exactly with that type of thing. Giving somebody help is probably one of the best things you can ever do. I love being able to do that.
Cal Banyan: I'm really pretty excited.
Erika Flint: Me too. I think that's pretty much all I wanted to say today, Cal. You pretty much covered it. I like leaving it on that ray of hope that you ended with right there.
Cal Banyan: I want to say one more thing about this topic. Your clients, when you start talking to them about what they want, will tend to talk about what they don't want. They'll say, "I don't want him to upset me anymore," "I don't want her to be able to manipulate me anymore." It's negative, negative, negative. You need to work with the client to change it into a positive. In other words, "I'm going to feel confident when I'm around that person. I'm going to feel upbeat. I'm going to feel powerful when I'm around that person. I'm going to know what to do. I'm optimistic about moving into the future."
So, to identify those things and then doing the age progression and insight work is phenomenal. If you do this long enough and you do it at a real powerful level, you're not just changing habits or overcoming fears. You are changing lives and saving lives and families, and allowing new families and new relationships to develop which never could have happened before. That's one of the things that make this so gratifying.
I'll be at the mall and someone will come up to me and say, "Hello, Mr. Banyan. I want to introduce my family to you that never would have existed if I hadn't come to see you." That's a big part of why we do this. Yes, we're professionals; we can make a tremendous income, but the differences we make in their lives is really the most important thing. If you don't care like that, you really need to go do something else, because you're never really going to be top notch at this. You're never going to be a Hypno1%er if you don't really care about getting results and helping people transform their lives.
Erika Flint: That was great, Cal. Thank you. I thought that was a really great comment on how we change lives…
Cal Banyan: Great. So you're going to come back again and do more podcasts with me?
Erika Flint: Yeah, if you'd like me to. I would be happy to be here.
Cal Banyan: Absolutely. Okay everybody, I want to see you in class. I've got an NGH approved Banyan Hypnosis Certification course coming up in July and another one coming up in August. Just look at the Banyan hypnosis training area of this website and those schedules will be there. They're always there because you might be watching this video in 2014, 2015, 2016, whatever. My current schedule is always on the website. Also, see you at the NGH convention. We're going to do great things together there.
That's it, Cal Banyan, signing out.