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Hypnosis Training Video #374: Hypnosis Clients Who Don’t Recognize their Success, Talk Too Much, Want to Be Friends and How to NOT Coach Hypnotherapy Clients (Transcription)

Return to Blog Post, Hypnosis Training Video #374: Hypnosis Clients Who Don’t Recognize their Success, Talk Too Much, Want to Be Friends and How to NOT Coach Hypnotherapy Clients

Cal: Hello, everybody, Cal Banyan here. Cal Banyan’s Hypnosis, Etc. And this episode is with, well, if you were with us last week, you know her pretty good by now, because we did an interview with her last week on the program. And this week, this next episode, this one right here, we’re going to have Erika Flint back. And she’s got some questions she wants to run by me, and I said, hey, let’s just do it on the video so that everyone can benefit with whatever we come up with for answers.

So let me tell you — for you folks that didn’t see the video last time, I’ve got some introductory information for Erika. Erika’s a certified consulting hypnotist with a practice in Bellingham, Washington. She’s been in practice since 2013. Started off that date, she anticipates by June 2014, she’ll be full-time. She’s originally a software engineer, problem solver in the Silicon Valley corporate system.

And let’s see here. She decided that even though doing all that computer-type stuff was interesting, challenging, that she wanted to work with, as she says, here we see, “the greatest computing device available: the human mind.”

And out of that desire to do that, she became interested in hypnosis. She went through her original technical training at — let’s see, where did it go? High-tech industry, oh well, she can tell me what it is, because for some reason — there it is. Bellingham Technical College in Bellingham, Washington. Now she loves helping people transform their lives, and she’s particularly interested in helping people lose weight, overcome substance abuse issues, and believe in themselves.

How are you doing, Erika?

Erika: Hey. Great, Cal, thank you. It’s great to be here.

And let me tell you a little bit about Cal. So Cal is a wonderful hypnotist. He is a trainer, a teacher, an educator, an author, a podcast — great person, and many other things, I’m sure, that I haven’t mentioned. Oh, I know you like to ride Harleys, so — and I like to ride bicycles, so that’s kind of in common, but not really.

Cal: Well, thank you very much, Erika. I like to ride bicycles, too, and in the past, I’ve done a number of century rides. Do you know what century rides are?

Erica: Yeah, 100 miles. I did a double century, from Seattle to Portland, once, not in one day, over the course of two days. Done that a couple times, that was a lot of fun.

Cal: Oh, that’s awesome. Have you done some regular century rides, 100-mile rides, before that?

Erika: I have, yeah. So we have one here in Bellingham. Bellingham century, yeah, there’s a lot of cycling that goes on here in the Pacific Northwest, for sure.

And then I did another one, RSVP. That one goes from Seattle to Vancouver. So I’ve basically ridden the entire coast. Not the coast. The entire length of Washington State.

Cal: Wow that sounds really great. It’s nice to be out there in the wind, in the sunshine, be it on a bicycle or a motorcycle. Let’s hear it.

All right, so now I’m excited. What you’re going to do is — you told me you had some questions. Some might be in more of a management thing, some might be more of a business thing, and some of them more questions about hypnosis. And I said, “Cool, let’s go.” And just start off with whatever you think is most important to you, and I’ll do my best to help you out.

Erika: Okay, so I do have a lot of questions. I am going to prioritize here and start with the most important. So right now, the most important thing for me — there’s two things, so I’ll just start with this one. How do you measure and give feedback to your client that they’re being successful? So, for example, and maybe touched on this a little bit last time, but it’s so important to me right now, because I want to demonstrate success to my clients. And yes, they’re feeling it inside, but sometimes they get a little disconnected with how they felt when they walked into the office.

So when they come in, and when they’re leaving feeling amazing, but they cannot connect with that person that walked in the door the first time, what I’ve been doing is pulling out the initial paperwork, right? Like, okay, well, you wanted all of these benefits, and now you’ve got all these benefits, right?

What else can I do to demonstrate to the client that they’re successful?

Cal: Okay, so this is interesting. So your big question isn’t how to make people successful, because you’re a 5-PATHer, you’re seeing clients, you’re seeing the success. And as we talked a little bit in the last video, was this transformation that happens from the inside out makes them feel — even though they might have struggled with the issue for months or years or decades with nothing but frustration, and maybe even getting depressed about the whole thing, then they come and see you. They change from the inside out.

And the conscious mind, the subconscious mind, seems to conspire to make it be like, well, if I’ve got well so fast, so successful so fast, it couldn’t really have been that bad in the first place, right?

Erika: Right. Exactly.

Cal: Mm-hmm. Okay, so first of all, just like we talk about in the training, that is you want to do that pre-hypnosis interview. First comes the pre-talk, where you remove fears and misconceptions about hypnosis. Then you do the pre-talk, find out the history of the problem, find out what they’ve done, and what’s worked, and what hasn’t worked.

And then you set goals. It’s so important to set goals. Now, for example, like, if you’re working for pain management, you’d have them rate, on a scale of 0 to 10, subjective scale of distress, what is your level of discomfort or pain now. And so we get these baseline measurements, and we put it into our notes.

And before we do the hypnosis, you say — you verify with them. You say, “Okay, I’ll make sure this is right. Right now, you’re here, and you want to be there. Is that right?” Or sometimes I ask them, “So we’re going to be doing this work on such-and-such. How will we know when we’re successful? How will you know when we’re done, that you’re successful, or maybe that we’re moving in the right direction?” And so we’ll get these kinds of markers along the way.

And then another thing — and Erika, you’ve seen me do this on the videos. And that is I have them take ownership of the change that’s going on while they’re in hypnosis and when they emerge. So when we start making these changes — for example, in the last video, you gave a case history. And for you folks, we are referring to the last video. We’ll put a link right below to the previous video so that you can find it very easily, whether you’re watching this on iTunes or on YouTube or on CalBanyan.com, or wherever.

So you had a client who really didn’t feel good about herself. And that was resulting in back pain. And as we go through the work — like the age regression work, or even the forgiveness work, or even the parts mediation work. These are all insight-driven techniques.

And, when they have an insight it’s so much more powerful than just direct suggestion. Like if I just said, “Oh, you feel confident. You feel good about yourself. You feel worthy.” But when we run them through an age regression session, and we find that child within that’s three, four, five years old that gets this message, “There’s something wrong with you. There’s something wrong with you,” or, “You’re inadequate in some way.”

And then we, with the help of the hypnotist and the client — adult aspect of the client — go back and talk to that child, and experience that shift in understanding. “Wait a minute, I am good. I am lovable. There’s nothing wrong with me.” And we get that shift.

We run them through those events in the age regression again, and we have them say — I’ll say, “Put an ending on this: I’ve changed, because now I know… And put an end on this: I’ve changed, because now I feel…”

And so this — what do we say? We’re crystallizing — “I’ve experienced this change, because now I’ve gained this insight. Now I know this, and now I feel that.”

So we get it, that’s the child within saying that. Then we’ll have that child transfer that knowledge to the adult. I’ll say, “Tell grown-up, as I change, you change, because I am you.” Then I’ll talk to the adult and say, “Good, put an ending on this.” And I’ll have the adult do it. “I’ve changed because now I know.” And they name the insight. “I changed because now I feel.” And they tell you the shift in the emotional feeling shift that goes on.

Well, we can do that any number of times through the age regression process, where there’s been a shift. And then that wasn’t even the best part with regard to your question, Erika. What’s cool is when we have them share those insights with us, then we’re going to go into the direct suggestion work, and we do a segue. And the segue is we repeat to the hypnotized client, “You’ve changed because now you know, and you’ve changed, because now you feel. And because of that, you’re going to be able to accept these suggestions more powerful than ever before.” And when we give those suggestions, we’re reminding them of the positive change that went on.

Then what we’re going to do is we’re going to merge them, and we’re going to have them — as soon as they emerge, they’ll go — “And you do feel good, don’t you?” Get that positive suggestion in there. And I’ll say, “Good, put an ending on this: I’ve changed because now I know…” And they say, “I’ve changed because now I know…”

So I’m once again reinforcing that they’ve made this positive change because of the work we did, because of this insight. And it’s changed how they feel.

And at that time, I can go on to say, “That’s right, and maybe in the past, you felt this way, and had this challenge, but now you’re going to feel this way, and you’re going to be able to do this, this, and this.” For that first minute to two minutes, when you’re really engaged with the client after they’ve emerged, they haven’t really emerged yet, and you can get a lot of suggestion work in at that time.

So then, a couple minutes later, they’ve begun to emerge, and you can go ahead and continue to reinforce and compare and contrast where they were with where they are.

After that’s done, I will once again put in their notes — for example, with age regression, “Visited this time, this time, this time, this time, and they’ve reported they’ve changed because now they know this, and now they feel that.” And so I have all that really hypnotic suggestion, insight work, and documentation that shows them.

And so does that help?

Erika: Yeah, that helps a lot. And as a matter of fact, it kind of leads me to another question I had, because you mentioned goal setting. And that makes me think of coaching. And I hear a lot of hypnotists talking about adding coaching to their practice. So I wonder what you think about that, and how — is there an overlap in what you do with coaching?

Cal: The only coaching I do is with our grads, to help them get their business going. So I have a coaching program for that.

As far as clients go — I don’t really do what you would call standardized coaching. But I will talk to my clients when they come back in for the next session, and I’ll talk about how’s it been going, and I’ll make sure that they’re doing their self-hypnosis the way they’re supposed to. I find out what stood out to them the most from last session, and we talk about it, which gives me a chance to reinforce the change.

Then I’ll talk about their goals. What are you — how have you been doing at following through on the things you agreed to be doing and the suggestions that you received? And sometimes we have to do a little troubleshooting or problem-solving there, and re-committal to the behaviors.

For example, maybe with weight loss, they thought that XYZ eating program, or XYZ exercise program, was going to work, but then they found some situations where they couldn’t keep their promise to themselves and reach their goal on time. And we’ll just troubleshoot those situations and say, “Well, gosh, maybe this, maybe this,” and have them re-commit and adjust.

But I really try to keep that as brief as I can, because I know that once I’ve got that, my real work is going to be done in the hypnosis. I wouldn’t be opposed at all to having a partnership to someone who was a counselor, social worker, or coach to do that kind of thing, if they really understood the work we were doing. But I try to keep it to a minimum.

Erika: Yeah. I think I understand. I mean, there’s some aspect of this — if I hear you correctly — where you definitely need to help them set these goals and be accountable for them, and that’s going to help them feel successful on their own, right? And of course, we need to take the hypnosis work out of the office, and help them see the benefit of it in their own life, right?

Because you don’t want them just feeling great when they’re in the chair, and then leave. And yeah, they might feel great inside, but you still want that to impact the rest of their life, and impact everything else that they’re doing, right? So I can see where having a brief discussion about the goals would be important for clients.

Especially weight loss clients, you’re right. I mean, definitely we need to help them understand what they really need to be doing outside of the office.

Cal: Good. Let me add a little something to that. So as you’re saying that, I’m writing down a couple of things that are coming to mind. As hypnotists, we have the same kind of goals as counselors and social workers. And ethically, we want to not encourage our clients to be dependent on us. That’s one reason I teach all my clients self-hypnosis, we want them to become independent.

So here’s a tool that I use more and more, especially with things like weight loss, or with changing behaviors, or everything but fears. It doesn’t really work good for, like, fear of spiders. But, these behavioral kinds of things, I talk about accountability partners, and to help them find one or two people that they can just continually report their progress to, to be accountable.

Because that is such a powerful tool, I mean, I have a couple of accountability coaches that I use in my business, in my personal life. I’ll say, “I’m going to do this in such-and-such period of time,” and then I have some accountability people.

And some of them don’t even — they’re accountability partners, not accountability coaches. And I just check in once a week, and kind of report what I’ve — how far I’ve gotten to my goal, what I’ve learned on the way to that goal. And just knowing that I’ve got to report my progress, to have that accountability, can be a tremendous help.

And that’s something I can teach my clients how to do that keeps them from becoming dependent on me in the future.

Erika: That’s great, Cal. And it reminds me of something I learned not too long ago. I am really interested in health, and I’m really interested in fitness. And I came across a study where the number one way people lose weight is by journaling their food. And that’s all about being accountable to yourself, right? Just making sure you’re admitting all of the food that you’re eating. That’s accountability right there.

And it’s been working for my clients. It’s — a lot of people don’t want to do it, because they don’t want to be accountable to themselves. But it works.

Cal: Imagine if you had that journal open on the internet, where everyone could see it.

Erika: Right, yeah. Then what kind of —

Cal: Or at least one or two important people can see it.

Erika: Right.

Cal: [laughs]

Erika: Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know people would sign up for that one.

Cal: Okay, good. Let’s move on. See if we can squeeze something in that’s maybe a short, easy question.

Erika: Okay. So I have a question about — this is kind of a typical client that I’ve had come into my office a couple times. Different clients not the same person, but exhibiting the same type of behavior. Somebody that maybe is kind of disconnected from social and family. Somebody coming in, and you, as their hypnotherapist, all of a sudden become their best friend, and they want to tell you everything. And of course you want to make them feel safe and comfortable, and at the same time, you know that you can’t be their best friend, and you want to gracefully get moving with your initial interview and get them into the chair.

So I was wondering if you have any quick tricks for getting people moving through that initial interview, if they’re kind of long-winded.

Cal: That is so hard with some people, isn’t it? And one of the things I would — you really have two questions. You’ve got a time management question, and you have a client relationship question rolled up in there.

And with the time management, I will — he or she who is asking the questions rules the conversation. And so I would just sometimes — they’re hijacking the session by going on and on about the football game, or their daughter, or blah blah blah, and that’s what you have to ask the question that’s relevant, and say, “Oh, okay, well, that’s interesting, but how about this? What stuck out in your mind from last session?” Or, “Oh, that’s cool. I’m glad she’s getting married. Now let me ask you a question: how’s it going with your 7th Path self-hypnosis practice?”

So just taking charge of the session by asking questions that are relevant to why they’re there. So that’s probably my insider tip for the time management.

Another thing is, I’ll say, “Oh my goodness, time is getting away from us. We’ve got to save time for the hypnosis, right? Good.” So I’ll say, “Let’s see if we can wrap this part up in about five minutes and get on to that hypnosis.” And that’ll refocus them on what we need to do.

Now, the other thing is, now they want to become your friend. And the deal is, I would — I just will have to say to them that that’s just — I have to be very gracious, but to the point, and I realize that there’s a lot of lonely people out there. They don’t have relationship skills, or they don’t really have people who care about them. And there you are, you’re on their team, you’re caring about them, you want to help them succeed. You probably know more about them after a few sessions than a lot of people in their lives that have known them their whole lives. And they’re starting to feel this bond.

But you’ve got to keep it professional, and sometimes you have to say it. “You know what, under other circumstances — you’re a lovely person, and we have a lot of common interests, but I’m just prohibited professionally from seeing people outside of the office once we’ve headed into a professional relationship.” I’ll say, “You can understand that, right?”

And if they do understand — and most people, in my experience, did understand — then you can just move on. But if they don’t understand, you may have to refer them out to someone else.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you should, okay, refer to somebody else that you feel this connection to, you’re going to be best friends, or you’re going to start dating, or whatever. I highly recommend that if this kind of inappropriate bonding starts to happen, that you don’t refer someone out and then inappropriately bond, right?

Because really, most people in other professions — could be nursing, or social worker, or counseling, or psychology, psychiatry, medicine — they understand that that’s not a good way for — you’re not serving that other person very well. And you should be filling — you, as the therapist, should be filling your life up with good relationships, plenty of activities, to where you are not tempted to get into some kind of inappropriate relationship with a client.

Does that help?

Erika: Yeah, that does. That helps a lot. Thank you. Certainly pointing out that the more time you end up talking in this back and forth kind of conversation, you have less time for hypnosis, right? And they’ll get that.

And normally, in my experience, after you’ve done some of the hypnosis work, that type of talking, and the lonely feeling, and talking too much, it kind of dissipates. They start feeling better. And you know how it is. It impacts every part of your life in a positive way. So I’ve noticed that. They come back in for the third session, and they’re not — they don’t seem as lonely. They’re not telling me everything, right?

Cal: Right. Now, here’s another quick little thing, and then I’m going to wrap it up, and that is sometimes they’re stalling. At the subconscious level, they know that they’re this close, so close to having that cry, or having that re-vivification of a painful experience. And the subconscious mind knows, “That’s where we’re going.” And it will jabber, and talk about football and ex-boyfriends, and politics, try to use up all the time to keep that from happening. And it’s our responsibility to keep them on track. Does that make sense?

Erika: Yeah, that does. I didn’t think about that before, so thank you very much. It’s an avoidance tactic. I’ve had people do other things in the chair to avoid talking about things, right? Moving around, and coughing uncontrollably. And “it never happens this way,” is what they tell me. But yeah, I didn’t think about it like that. Thank you.

Cal: You’re welcome. All right, why don’t you wrap it up, say whatever you want to say, and that’ll be the end of this one?

Erika: All right. Well, thank you, Cal, for having me. I’m really happy to be here. And again, I just want to say how important it is for each of us to just embrace our uniqueness, and be the best we can be, be our authentic self. And go out there and do great work.

Cal: That’s right. Thank you very much, Erika. Erika and I both — we don’t talk about spirituality a lot on the program, but we have this concept that there’s a greater thing going on than meets the eye. And there’s a reason why my clients wind up in my office, and Erika’s clients wind up in her office. It’s because that soul is looking for that person to help them with their problems.

All right, once again, this is Cal Banyan. Hope to see you in class. I want to see you at the NGH convention. Our classes are all listed on this site. We’ve got one coming up in May. That’s our Week of Power. It’s advanced hypnosis certification course, for you folks out there that are already certified, and you want to take it up to the next level.

Hey, Erika, you know anyone that’s going to be in that class?

Erika: Who? [laughs]

Cal: You!

Erika: Me! Yeah, I can’t wait. I’m really excited.

Cal: That’s right. That’s right. Erika took the — became a 5-PATHer through distance certification. Now she’s going to be going through it online. Is that right, Erika?

Erika: That’s right, online. I’m just ready to do it again and learn even more, and I’m really excited.

Cal: Okay. I’m so excited that we have the ability to broadcast our classes online, so those who cannot make it down to our center in Tustin, California can actually take our courses live online. You just jack right into our classroom through the internet, totally interactive. You get the same practice, same supervision as all of our on-site students.

So yes, May, we’ve got the Week of Power, and then in July and October, we have our regular 10-day certification. NGH Approved Banyan certification super-course of 5-PATH® and 7th Path Self  Hypnosis®. Oh, that’s a mouthful.

All right, that’s it. Cal Banyan, signing off.

Copyright 2014 Calvin D. Banyan . All rights reserved.

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